In one of my favourite novels, The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.by Adelle Waldman, one character argues that dating is not discussed with sufficient seriousness: “It is probably the most fraught human interaction there is,” she says. So for me, those elements became really interesting to investigate. What started as sharing stories about harassment and assault detonated into a broader conversation about consent and gender dynamics. Then, while I was researching, #MeToo exploded. As I dug into the data, I thought it was important to get the message out so that people could contextualise their experience within a broader picture. But 67% of daters, according to the last Pew survey, were dissatisfied with their dating life, and 75% were finding it hard to meet people, which is extraordinary given the seeming sexual smorgasbord available on dating apps. I think one of the problems with dating is that it’s so personal, you know? If you find it difficult, you blame yourself you think you’re doing something wrong, or that there’s something wrong with you.
I set out to research what had changed-for myself at first, but I quickly realised that there were bigger societal issues at play. I got divorced just as Tinder was launching in the UK, and the game had become utterly unrecognisable. I met my ex-husband in New York, when Sex and the City was in full swing, and we had quite a traditional courtship. The book was born out of my personal experience. What brought you to this subject originally? Foreign Policy & International RelationsĪs the author of The Future of Seduction, you’ve agreed to recommend five of the best books on dating.
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